Random Observations at Washington Square Park

I spent about four hours today holding down a wooden bench near the west entrance of Washington Square Park. I chaperoned a group of kids from SOCAPA (the summer camp I'm working at) from the campus in Brooklyn to the park and back. They had free reign once we got to Washington Square, and I had a lot of time to kill. I spent most of it reading my book and writing in a notebook I picked up for $.99 at some corner shop on 6th Avenue. I wrote a bunch about my first couple days here at the camp, but it's a lot of boring introspection and whiny jaw-jacking that won't interest you in the least. Wait, what do you mean this entire blog is boring introspection and whiny jaw-jacking? That's not true... is it?

Anyway, I spent some time just jotting down random observations I made about people in the park. Here they are, exactly as I jotted them - no hindsight, no post-production. Enjoy.

- There is a grown man waltzing through the park with his child... at least, I hope it's his child.

- The girl across from me is overly-exaggerating every aspect of her cell-phone conversation. This leads me to believe that there isn't actually another person on the other end of the line. She's glanced over in my direction several times. I think she's trying to get my attention. My ego needs to believe this.

- The elderly man to my right is pointing out specific people in a crowded park, and explaining to his wife - in vivid detail - who they are and what they do. I'm fairly certain he believes it is 1959 right now.

- There's a guy across from me with a shiny bald head and a massive beard smiling to himself. He will molest someone before leaving this park. (I hope it's not me.)

- I've observed 36 different styles of mandals. God I hate feet.

- There's a white man in a dashiki. Wait, he also has a gigantic tattoo on his forehead... it says, "White Guilt."

- A redheaded mother keeps allowing her infant child to wander farther and farther away from her while she laughs and smokes Newports. The baby is now hailing a cab on West 4th street, by the way.

- Soaking-wet, middle-aged man in only a bathing suit dancing his way through a crowd. God I hate this city.

- Womens' shoes are complicated. I just saw a girl walk past in sandals that had more straps than the bondage store that's located disturbingly close to this public park. Um, Miss... King Leonitis called, he's leading 300 Spartans against Xerxes, and he needs his shoes.

- This lady's sun hat is huge. It might be an Urban Sombrero.

- All European men are gay. Not a judgment, just a fact.

- I just witnessed a woman smoke an entire cigarette in one drag. Somewhere, Chris Perry has a six-foot erection.

- I just heard a guy give precise directions to two separate Starbucks locations without the use of a GPS, internet phone or sun dial. If he's not about to kill himself, he should be. And if he isn't, I stand ready to assist him.

- Take off the cowboy hat. Just take it off. We're in New York fucking City. Do you see a desert? Do you see any cactii? Show me a single horse. You're not a cowboy. You're not an Urban Cowboy. You're not a Midnight Cowboy. You're not a Drugstore Cowboy. You're not Cowboy Curtis. You're not Kurtis Blow. Wait, that last one doesn't make sense. You're not a cowboy, though. Deal with it. You might be a pirate, though. Wanna know what kind?